I'd like to share a little about my background, where it is I've come from (spiritually), and how it is I've gotten to be where I am now.

I was saved when I was 12 years old, and for a good while, throughout most of my teenage years actually, I was really on fire for God. I would seek to learn more. I was always praying, reading scriptures, and seeking to know more. I remember as a kid I would always have elders from my church, who were convinced, say that "God is going to use her". Then, at the age of 17 I started to stray, so to speak.

For nearly a decade I really backslid, and I guess it's like what the Bible says about pride coming before a fall. I was convinced that I wouldn't backslide. When I was praying, as a teenager, I'd think that would never happen; I'd never do that. That's one example, and for me a lesson learned, that no matter where it is we may be at any given time, we can't let our guard down. We can't assume that we're beyond the reach of temptation, because that's not true, and if we don't think it could happen then we won't be expecting it to happen, and therefore we will be weak when the test comes, when the trials come.

It started when I got involved with a so-called 'Christian' group that I was talking with at the time, and as I got to know them better, I saw that they really had more of a cult-like mentality and grip on a lot of the people involved. As I noticed this about them, and as I began to rebel against that group, it lead to the lines becoming blurred somehow to me, because it had a lot of Christian teachings within a lot of the other stuff they were teaching. What initially became my rebellion against that group grew into a rebellion against God as well. I was trying to move further and further away from them, and then doing things that I knew would be against what they'd approve of and teach, it just ended up with me moving further away from God also.

You may have noticed that when someone who is a Christian strays from their faith, or falls from their faith in any manner, there seems to be almost an anger that comes with it. I've noticed this with my own experience, and I've seen this again and again in others. So many times you see someone who'd be professing their faith and then fall from their faith, there becomes an anger. And so often there's an anger with the Church, an anger with God, and I know that I definitely felt that. I also felt a strong sense and hunger in my spirit, and so I'd try to seek out means of filling that desire. I've always been one to do a lot of research, a lot of studying on anything that happened to catch my attention, and so I ended up doing a lot of study on various other religions and spiritualities.

Along the way, I began to adopt a different world-view. It started out with my doing a lot of research into wicca, and there was about a year or two that I considered myself to be a wiccan. I'd do a lot of research into it, had a lot of books, note journals, and supplies. Even though it was still around the beginning of my moving away from God, away from Jesus, He would still try to reach out and get my attention to let me know He was still there, waiting for me to notice.

An example of how God would try to reach out was one time when I had gone to the store, and I was getting some different items and candles that went along with the new path that I was following. As I was looking at my stuff, all at once I heard the Lord's Prayer being recited right beside me. It was a big step for me, going in such a drastic direction away from Christ, and right beside me was a little boy standing in the book section. He had a children's Bible that had a little voice box on it with different buttons that could be pressed, and he pressed the button to the Lord's Prayer. That definitely gave me a jolt and got my attention. I thought about it for a little while, but it was one of those things that I just kind of brushed off as coincidence. As I continued to move forward down this particular path, I found myself to be more of a pagan, as I'd decided that my ideas at the time branched out further than what wicca taught. I would come up with my own ideas, and decided that pagan would be a more appropriate label.

My mind frame and my view point was just so different from what it had been when I was younger and in Christ. It was so radically different. When remembering how the Church elders from my past would talk about how they believed God was going to use me, I'd find it humorous and sad at the same time. Humorous because I thought about how if only they knew how wrong they were, and sad because there was a part of me that would think back on where I was and had come from, and I just didn't see it being possible for me to ever be there again. Too much had changed, and too much had happened. I just didn't see it being possible in any form, because of the way I viewed the world... everything was just too different. I couldn't comprehend the idea of coming back to Christ as I'd once been, as a teenager.

The path that I'd been on for about a decade kept progressing and transitioning along the way. After wicca had turned into more of paganism, it then became more a mixture of paganism and new age beliefs. I really got into crystals, channeling, astrology, and other things that went along with it. I was just a whole other person. I just saw it as my spiritual evolution from point A to Z. Even throughout all of this transition, there were still times here and there that God was trying to pull me back in. For a while different things were brought to my attention, things that I'd dream about, and so much here and there that I'd bury, not wanting to think about it.

One thing is I began to notice with the new age teachings I'd gotten into was the notion that we are our own gods. I'd start to notice that was the same thing basically that caused Lucifer himself to fall, wanting to become like God. Then with the channelings, I began to notice that it sounded like what I'd read about while I was in Christ, and I began to realize the deception that I'd been blind to before. Things I hadn't noticed before. Somewhere along the way I came across something along these lines on a message board. This was back when talk about the swine flu was in the news a lot. There was a link that was posted from someone on youtube who was a Christian, and I checked out her channel on youtube. After that, I came across another person on youtube who was very anointed, very strong in the spirit, spoke in the spirit. I began to be drawn to watch her videos and other videos, but the fact that I was watching them was amazing because, again, I still had that anger within me that was directed unintentionally towards anything dealing with God. I'd watch those videos, and as I watched, I'd still argue in my mind with what she was saying, but again, I kept getting drawn back to listen to more. This went on for a period of months. It wasn't just the videos, as there were other things going on, more things being brought to my attention, and there was a big battle going on in my mind. But more and more I began opening up to these pullings of the Spirit, and quite surprisingly and unexpectedly, this transition occurred. I didn't expect for this type of thing to occur, but all at once, one night as I was sitting after having gone through some Christian materials about prayer, I could feel the Spirit had lifted things back up within me that I hadn't felt in years. It was so familiar, and never ever had I thought I'd feel that way again. Still skeptical in the back of my mind, doubt came in and I thought it might just be an emotional response tonight, and how would I feel in the morning. I felt such a spiritual high from it. The next day I was talking with my mom about a lot of different things, and she said that she had goosebumps, and that, "You're Brandy again, I haven't heard you talk this way in ages".

It's just continued, and I'm not saying it's been an easy journey, as there's definitely been some spiritual struggle along the way. The difference is this time, even with all the struggles, I still have the Spirit within me, and I can feel the Spirit within me. I'm in Christ. I know where I stand, and I know Who it is I belong to. I can feel the Spirit leading me and guiding me as I go. The things that are put on my mind even, I know it's not me, not my thoughts. Things are just so different. Since then there's been so much progress, so much growth that, like I said, I hadn't imagined that I could be that way again, but now God has taken me even further than I ever was before. I know that it's Him, because of all of my searching, never did anything else ever do this for me.

There was one time that I began to wonder if I'd really come back to God, because I'd heard that if you were ever in Christ and fell away, there was no coming back. So I began to worry and wonder, and finally I began praying about my concern. Immediately, I felt the Spirit rise up in me and I felt that I was being told that I knew better, that I knew God was with me. Then those doubts were pushed out of me, and God gave me a peace, answering that question. It's almost like, you can even have a conversation basically with God when you're praying. A lot of people think it's only a one way thing, but it's really not. When you are in Christ, when you truly are Spirit filled, when you pray and you've learned how to just stop and listen, paying attention, you actually do get feedback. It's not in the way that people might think of feedback. You won't just be sitting there necessarily and hear this great voice booming down at you, giving you an answer, but you can feel it, it comes into your mind. I wish I could explain it in such a way that would make it clear to those who haven't experienced it. But it truly is amazing.

If you have not come to Christ yet, or if you once did but you fell away, I want to encourage you to just talk to God, pray to Him. If you're not at the point to where you feel like you can give yourself over to Him, just pray and talk to Him. You'd be amazed at how much can happen, how much can change just by talking to Him. You'd be amazed at the answers you can get when you pray. Even if you feel like you're not getting answers right away, it can happen during an instance where you come across a quote, or video, or someone might talk to you, and then you'll notice that it's what you were praying about. God answers in so many ways, so pray and pay attention. There's nothing like Christ. If you've not experienced it, it may not sound like much, but I encourage you to.

You may be asking, "What does it take to be saved?" Repentance is the key issue. Sincerely repenting, not just saying something in your mind and not feeling anything, but feeling what you're saying to God, and truly mean what you say. Repent of all of your sins, and ask Him to come into your life. When Christ actually comes into your life, this changes you. It can't NOT change you, when He's come into your life. It's not that you won't ever struggle, but you'll have it in your heart to become obedient. If you truly have the Holy Spirit in you, and if you've truly come to Christ, you WILL be changed. I can't encourage you enough, I really can't. Even if you don't think you're ready yet, search out an answer, search God out and see. Don't just look at Christians you know, the Church that you know, because Christians are supposed to be His representatives in the world but unfortunately many are not representing Him very well, and there are a lot of people out there who have decided against God, against Jesus, based on what they're seeing within the Church. Don't assume that what you see in the Church represents what He is. I made that mistake, even though back then, before I backslid, I preached against it, saying that we shouldn't judge Him by the people who serve Him, but I forgot that lesson myself. Just search Jesus out. Go to Him in prayer, and in His word. Search Him out for yourself. God bless you guys.

Love,
Brandy